I need to get this out of my system first before I can study.

In today's newspaper, in the Life section:

"Wanted: Young Actress

Actress Tan Kheng Hua is looking for a young actress for a play she is directing called The Composer.
Written by Ken Kwek, the play is about a man, his wife and the six other women in his life. It will be staged at the Esplanade Theatre Studio in December.
Tan is looking for an actress to play the sixth woman, who is one of the man's lovers. The character is 18 years old.
She must be available for rehearsals as well as the performance, which runs from Nov 14 to Dec 20.
A strong command of English is required. Acting experience is useful but not necessary.
The audition will be held at the Esplanade on Sunday from 10 am to 6 pm.
Register at the stage door facing the carpark on the mezzanine floor.
For details, call Kay on 9636-6667."

Ask me what I want for my birthday, and I will tell you that I wish I could pull this off.

Even if the exams fall during the start of the period, even if my mother disagrees, even if I can't even pass through the first round of auditions, I wish I could just try this out.

But I can't. I'll be out in Malaysia this weekend. Even if I did plan a semi-elaborate excuse to tell my mom why I was going out, I won't even be here to carry the plan out.

But my life would have been so much more amazing if I did pull this off.

Hey Universe, may I?
You mind consipiring this for me?

I am insane.

I have at least 10 chapters to go through, an assignment to complete, and two presentations to work on (one for french, one for com205), and I only have a few free days (read: today, or what's left of it and friday night). Did I mention that this is my one week break?

This weekend is gone for Malaysia trip, and the next weekend, while I'm excited and grateful, is gone for my birthday too.. Sometimes October isn't a nice month to have your birthday in.

I'm counting on the few free days before the exams to look through my notes again, and I'm still wishing and hoping that I could join the play.

But thing is, I really want to...

I want to try out so many things, and try them out when you're considered "young". Like acting, singing, performing, entertaining, running a business.. I really really wanted to go clubbing when I was in JJ, when the choir girls told me that there were clubs that let them in, just with a special tag that marked them as "underage". As a newbie, you're treated different. I found it highly amusing when Yi Yan said that the guys actually asked for her permission to put his hand on her waist, just because she had that tag.

I even have a list of insane things that I'd really love to do.
1. Become a model for Bobbi Brown
2. Spend a year with Richard Branson (this is a new one)
3. Hitch a ride in a truck/lorry
4. Sit in a police car (not for a crime, thank you.)
5. Belly dance.
6. Pole dance. (both the athletic and strip kind)
7. Well, graduate from NTU LMS with first class honours.
8. Make half a million by the time I'm 30.
9. Make a million by the time I'm 40.
10. Own something like the Banyan Tree Resorts.
11. Or own a private island.

Hm, I wonder what psychologists would think when they see that I placed my graduation in between pole dancing and making half a million.

My body has a funny way of telling me it's tired. It makes my nose start running.

Thing is, my nose has been running since yesterday, and I don't feel too good.

I'm making myself stressed by repeating all the things I have to do in my mind.

I really want 10 days away from my mummy. Lemme do what I want to do without accommodating to your schedule, or anyone else's for that matter, please.

I want to buy Richard Branson's autobiography
I want to buy the mint foot cream from the body shop
but my problem is, if I don't buy it myself, I won't like it.
So please don't be insulted if I say I want just money for my birthday. Because really, it makes things easier for everyone.
I don't like cards sometimes, especially when it's just a bunch of signatures, like "oh hey, here's the names of the people who bought you your present. Please remember to buy them a present too".
Sorry, I'm indulging my bad mood.

I really wish I could audition for the play,
and I really wish I was more on top of things
especially my moods and feelings.

Ok. Load off me.

Time to head back to Van Valin and La Polla,
and time to send out better vibes.

Oh, one last insane thought. If you know how I hide things in my blog, you'll see the thought. If not, I'm sorry. Not for you to see.
I want to communicate.
With the birds, cats, and trees.
I want to be able to reach out to people and listen to them.
I want to be able to close my eyes and listen to the world, to the universe, and then open my eyes and continue hearing them in the backgroung while I do my work.
But I don't want to just listen, I want to be able to talk back too.
I want to be able to tell them what I'm thinking as well.
If we are really co-creators, then why are we not able to communicate anymore?
I need to remember how to listen, I want to know how to talk.
I want to be able to communicate with you, and when I say you, I mean you who are reading this papie, God, and myself.
But maybe I don't have to need, or want. But I do need some direction on how to just be.

to the Universe: How 'bout conspiring with me?