By the way, any post that starts with "vaeda elowen riella" would be one from my imagination. It's mostly fictional, but it has some reference points to people...
to whom i may Love...
Today begins my walk with you
Where you go, I go
Where you stay, I stay
When you sleep, I will sleep
When you rise, I will rise
I will pass my days
Within the sound of your voice
And my nights
Within the reach of your hand
And none shall come between us
(that's all i ask)
This I Vow
Firesong
I just had Alec's 201 exam on... Thursday. And I left way too early. I thought the exam ended at 11, and I finished around 10-ish, except for question 1b and 3e, cos I couldn't remember for the life of me what Alec was asking for. (Note to self: Morphological typology was on isolating, polysynthetic, agglutinating and fusional languages, and grammatical categories were about inherent, relational and agreement thingys - categories) Anyway, I wanted to get out early and not squeeze in with everybody on the bus, so I left about 1030-ish since you can't leave in the last 15 minutes.
But since I got the time wrong, no wonder Alec was so surprised when I said I was done. "Oh you're leaving?? Okay. Bye!" :) He thought I was going to the toilet. :)
Anyway, I only realised when simin called and told me that the exam was gonna end at 1130. No wonder I planned to meet my friends at 12 and not 11... Hmm.. :D
Spent a happy time looking at fountain pens in Harris and Popular. I want one now, but I shall wait until Sherman leaves, so nobody will think I'm copying him :P
Oopsie, I'm supposed to only blog for a minute or two, and I've been typing for about 6 minutes. :)
French and Discourse and conversation on monday. I have no idea how I'm gonna do for both, but I'll just wing it and let it be. I like having no expectations this year--semester.
Though I still like my As. :)
What else do I need to say...
Yup, I think I am done now. Nothing left. Can't wait for the holidays, because I want to go pick up skills on trading shares, or go belly-dancing. Either one's fine.
Note to self: Prologue has a 3 for 2 sale and there are books I want to buy. And Popular is gonna have an expo sale in decembre -- December. Oh happy day.. :P
You want to F* with me, fine, I'll handle you, but don't you bloody dare fuck with my man. Don't even think of chastitising me about the expletive. I'm not gonna tolerate this.
I have worked hard enough to handle all the anger, the crying, the depression and the pain. I know enough to want the peace and pleasantry, with all the intellectual stimulation and the comfort and safety. I am not gonna allow you, you f*ing a* b*, to throw it all away. No, you don't wanna f* with me, and you don't wanna f* with the people i hold dear to me.
Don't try to push the button because I will shove you hard.
It is surprising that science simply proves what we should have known all along, like how we should be attracted to people by smell and taste. But they do tell us why. When we're attracted to people by smell and taste, we're looking for people who have different immune systems, which will result in babies with strong immune systems.
It's funny. When I look out for you, there is nothing for me to find. And when I give up, you suddenly place things there.
When a carton of orange juice says the use by date is the 23rd, are you still allowed to drink it on the 23rd?
Why do people not stick to one blog? (including myself)
Why am I still on the computer when I know the excess usage of electricity is making the world hotter and I'm complaining about the temperature already?
Why is it that when I look at brands now, I get this strange urge to want to buy whatever is advertised on the newspaper, when I used to be able to look and brands and go "yeah, ok. whatever"?
Why do I suddenly wish I was rich?
Why can't I make up my mind about how much money I want to make in a month?
Why can't I play with the stock market?
Why do I forget the things that I used to know as a child?
Why have I not grown up?
What does it mean to grow up?
Why do I want to be (of all things) a model?
Why do I find studying easier this time?
Why was the first year so hard?
Why do I feel disappointed that I am not in Oxford or Cambridge when I used to be proud that I'm in NTU LMS?
Why do I suddenly want to look for my Peranakan roots?
Why do I not want to go overseas to study?
Why do I not know how to take care of myself yet?
Why do I not know that I am hungry until I am really hungry?
Why am I asking all this?
And the last question - Why do I want so much to be an oddball?
When you want to be different, Don't expect the world to accept you. Yet you want someone to understand you. And you spend your lifetime searching for that person. You spend your time trying to stay close to that person. Making sure you don't lose that person. People seem lonely when they don't find someone who understands them. Actually, they are. How come I'm blessed to have already found two? I want to be an oddball. I chose to be. I remember knowing that I will be different. Knowing, not just thinking about it and properly choosing. Like as if the choice was made for me, by me, a long time ago.
We spend our lives doing things, looking for things, when all this while, its all inside. Everything just waiting. To open up from inside. But we forget them, keep them, or see them but not understand them. Until they are kept at the bottom of our hearts and minds trying to find a way into our quiet hopes and dreams. I wonder what life would be like if we all set them free. Not everyone would be happy, of course, my freedom ends where yours begins. But it is inside the things that we are drawn to The books we read, the songs we sing the art that we draw or look at. They are in the games we play the things we learn the things we touch. Each tiny little thing hoping to trigger your memory Each colour, each rhyme, each melody, each twist and turn. There are some things we like For almost no apparent reason at all. Look at them carefully. Watch them again. Who knows, maybe they'll touch something soft as the gentle breeze in the infinite edges of your mind.
This semester seems a lot better than the last one I had.
When I read, I open my mind to a lot of ideas. When I read Harry Potter I understood fear. That we needed to face our fear, that maybe all we need to do is "riddikulus" (pardon me if I've gotten the spell wrong), meaning to imagine the thing that we fear and make it funny (Neville put Snape in his grandmother's clothes, Ron put rollerblades on a giant arachnid). Harry's fear was fear. I wonder how one overcomes that. I think I fear the unknown.
When I read Pride and Prejudice (or when I read the abridged version of it first), I understood the importance of mutual respect in a relationship. That understanding and acceptance is crucial, whether one reaches it through a series of conflicts and arguments, or one falls nicely into step with the other.
I was reading Slaves of the Mastery when I realised that I was open to the idea that people could feel things, understand things, feel objects with their mind and then go on to talk to things, move things, control forces that most people would call magic.
Maybe it's all the years of reading Enid Blyton. I don't really believe that all we have are just fairies, gnomes, elves, witches, talking plants and animals and flying houses. Maybe that's just a part of it. I "upgraded", if you will, from Enid Blyton to Charmed, Sabrina the Teenage Witch and Harry Potter. Each with their own version of magic.
I realised that some of the things I currently think about, I already allowed to enter my brain when I was young.
Now, if you're a very conservative thinker and you don't like "funny ideas", this is the time now to stop reading and change the url. Now. I mean it. You have been warned.
:D
In Slaves of the Mastery Bowman has special powers because he is the child of a prophet. He is able to quiet his mind and allow the feelings or vibrations of objects, animals or people to enter his mind. This way, he understands people, and is always the first one to know what people feel. This is very much like the idea of "tuning in", where we try to seek the feelings, impressions, or "vibrations" of things animate and inanimate, like trees, people (obviously), and even things like stars and colours.
Of course, in the series, the author goes a bit further to allow Bowman to knock a dude unconscious with just his mind, and also allowed him to fly. Maybe that's a little far fetched. Or maybe that's just a far possibility.
People like whatisname-Criss Angel call themselves illusionists. That's just a subgroup of magician. But catch him in episodes where he's flying in mid-air, and I wonder if he actually knows how to manipulate forces beyond what we scientifically know and are able to prove.
Maybe we're not the type who can pick up a piece of wood and wave it like a wand. Maybe we're not the kind of people who can utter a bunch of incantations and create sparks and lightning. But I think I know that we are able to tap into sources that are powerful.
This is where I have to stop. I know things that I wish to share with the world, but I believe the information is already out there, said and written by the many who have found it before me. I am only not allowing myself to share it because I am, by social norms, not supposed to have the catalyst by which I realised the information. That, for the rest of the world, is a regret.
Now I need to sleep. I can only hope to learn more.
she remembered... (vaedariella) and other stuff and nonsense.
She sits on the bed by the windowsill and she thinks of all the things they have done.
She, usually forgetful, silly and apathetic, remembers the words she said to him, and she regrets some of the things she had said.
She can also hear his voice in her mind if she told him what she knew now.
"Honey, when we first started, I wanted to make you my wife. But you told me that you didn't want to. You opened my eyes to see that you were happy this way, possibly never seeing each other again, missing each other for days such that our meetings were looked forward to, such that we were always on our best, though normal, behaviour. You broke my dreams when you told me that, remember?"
And she did.
"And everytime something went wrong, everytime things got hard between us, you always tried to pull away. You even tried to pull away when things seemed to be going right."
And she remembered. She remembered the nights she had fought with him, she remembered always mentioning that she would leave him, she remembered how afraid she was, how she didn't know how to feel, or even react, when all she knew was that she could leave and it would be over.
"I was unhappy, but I learned to love you with the same, careless way that you seem to love me."
She couldn't even bring herself to imagine his eyes. She couldn't stop now. Her brain had been working on this monologue for days, and the voice in her head carried on despite desperate attempts to stop.
"We've built our relationship on that basis. That things might not last, that we might have to suddenly leave, that every meeting that we have is a gift, that our absences from each other served to make us treasure each other. And now you tell me you want to marry me?"
Hurt, sorry, confused, she wanted to tear at him, wanted him to understand. She had changed since then, she had likely grown more insane. She wanted to try, she thought. She wanted to see. She wanted to know if it was possible, if their love was enough to fight against the normal life as they knew it. Yes, she had seen that couples don't make it. Yes, she knew that that people who are completely in love start to change the moment they get married. But still she wanted to try...
And she realises that the chances are slim, and she realises that the costs are high. Her wanting more could be the one thing that could cause them to break.
She had seen around her, in life, in recent years, that some people do things and get punished. And some people get rewarded. She remembered that everyone has to bear the cost of their action, whether trivial or grave. She wanted to curse at her immaturity, she wanted to know which train of thought of hers would be right. She wanted to plead, she wanted to cry, she wanted to get a grip on herself as well.
And she remembered that she was dreaming. And she was glad to be alone, watching the moon rise and setting her crystals aglow.
Hey, this happens when my imagination mixes with my memory. I'm alright. Really. I'm not mad or depressed or angry or delusional. I'm fine. *(Chocolate chip cookies.)* Disclaimer: this post is not meant for anyone. I'm just taking fragments of emotions and blowing them up. I'm just writing for myself to read. I'm just letting things flow.
When a man loves a woman (Michael Bolton) aka the screamin at the last bit of the song dude.
When a man loves a woman Can't keep his mind on nothin' else He'd trade the world For the good thing he's found
If she is bad, he can't see it She can do no wrong And turn his back on his best friend If he puts her down
When a man loves a woman Spend his very last dime And trying to hold on to what he needs
He'd give up all his comforts And sleep out in the rain If she said that's the way, it ought to be
When a man loves a woman I give you everything I've got Trying to hold on to your precious love And baby baby please don't treat me bad
When a man loves a woman Deep down in his soul She can bring him such misery
If she is playing him for a fool He's the last one to know Loving eyes can never see
Yes when a man loves a woman I know exactly how he feels 'Cause baby, baby
When a man loves a woman When a man loves a woman When a man loves a woman When a man, when a man When a man loves a woman
There seems so many things that lie before us There's just so many things we want to do But let's just stop and pause For just a moment cause We should do something special...me and you
It's time for sayang sayang It's time for sayang sayang Caring for one another Family and friends It's time for sayang sayang It's time for sayang sayang As we go walking together, hand in hand
The time that we all love is here to treasure A very special time of the year These days we're sure to find These days of yours and mine We'll share them with the ones we hold so dear (Hold so dear)
It's time for sayang sayang It's time for sayang sayang Caring for one another Family and friends It's time for sayang sayang It's time for sayang sayang As we go walking together, hand in hand
